HOA Civility Living Tips
Civility, like chivalry, is becoming extremely rare. Differences of opinion are no longer allowed—either someone agrees with the other person, or both may reject any polite dialogue. Today's society needs healthy ways to manage disagreements and relationships, especially in your community HOAs. Here are some thoughts to consider regarding the dispute and what it means (or doesn't).
We don't know everything, and there is plenty to learn every day. There's a saying that goes, "there's always two sides to every story." However, when it comes to an event's interpretation, someone's truth can look different from another's. Each side may have a different reality. It is entirely possible that others in an HOA know something you don't and sees something you haven't seen. Allow others to share their divergent views. The HOA will be healthier because of it.
Remember that you will see your neighbors just about every day. While it may be satisfying to lash out and say or write awful things about someone we are angry with, we have to see folks around the HOA daily. While we can disconnect on social media, we can't divorce our neighbors—they are still going to be there. Remember, you have to live with these folks and extend courtesy and respect. You'll make your life (and their's) less stressful or difficult.
Our opinions are not us, and rejection of our argument is not a rejection of ourselves. If someone thinks that a remodeled clubhouse is essential, but others don't, does that mean someone is wrong? Our opinions about the HOA business have no relation to our worth as individuals, so we can't take offense when someone votes against our perspective.
Remaining civil is not the same as agreement, and unanimous votes are unnecessary. Many boards seem to feel that ballots must be unanimous. That is legally incorrect and destructive. Disagreement is healthy, and there is nothing disloyal about voting against the majority. Allow for different opinions and dissenting votes.
Reject offensive, abusive comments, whether written or oral. Raise the bar in your community.
Avoid assumptions or projections about others' intentions. The fact that someone in the HOA disagrees with someone does not mean they want to harm the HOA. Instead, they have a different view of the HOA's needs. We can't assume someone acts out of spite or a bruised ego. Give people a chance to prove their good intentions.
Consider adopting a civility pledge. Ask the HOA leaders to sign it annually and adopt it as an HOA policy. The Community Associations Institute created a civility pledge. Consider adopting it or using it as a template to build your association's civility policy.
Contact Condominium Associates if you have any questions. HOA living requires healthy interaction among people who don't always see eye to eye except on the one non-negotiable item—neighborly treatment of neighbors. Insist that civility be paramount at all times and in all places. Peace in an HOA is worth it!
